IT’S OK. THERE are many of us grown-up Moana fans, and we’re all here for you.
1. You started watching it thinking ‘This will be nice now’
Sure Frozen was grand. You love Disney. No harm in it.
2. Two hours later you were welling up while also shouting “Consider the coconut – the WHAT?”
It’s so funny and sweet! Moana is a legend! The granny is a great bit of stuff! How can you have so many feelings about what’s supposed to be a children’s film?
3. You try to go on with your pre-Moana life, but things are different now
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Every track is an earworm. On any given day your brain is firing a million different snatches of song at you: “See the LINE where the SKY meets the SEA, it CALLS MEEEE! You’re welcome! Moana – make waaay make waaay!”
4. You find yourself saving the soundtrack on Spotify so you could listen wherever you were
Your end-of-year ‘most listened to’ lists are going to be a mess.
5. And bursting into song at random intervals
SHINAYYYY.
6. And gradually settling in to a life where Moana is never far from your mind
You’ve acquired a DVD. You’re contemplating a plush Hei Hei.
7. Your admiration for The Rock has grown tenfold
He’s just so charming. And who knew he could sing?
8. You’ve conceded a few points to Nicole Scherzinger
She voices Moana’s ma, don’t you know. Even if her Muller ads are woeful, she has that.
9. And you’re raging at La La Land for snatching the Best Original Song Oscar
The Moonlight mix-up wasn’t the only indignity of the evening: How Far I’ll Go was cruelly overlooked in favour of the extremely mediocre City of Stars.
Lin Manuel Miranda, Moana’s composer (and the man behind the musical Hamilton) has an Emmy, a Grammy, and a Tony already – he deserves to EGOT.
10. So you’ve just come to accept Moana (and Te Fiti) as your new idol
Well, she is a strong and adventurous leader determined to do the best for her people. It could be worse.
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